One of my clients wants to plan a trip to France. The problem is she cannot remember to prepare a daily meal. Hunger reminds her. Taking medications becomes a complicated memory skill. Foreign travel takes energy, problem solving, and currency conversion to mention a few tasks that require cognitive proficiency. The fantasy of a trip to France gets stuck in a loop of desire in her mind.
After a certain age the minus side of life’s ledger is stronger than the plus side, in terms of losses and gains. The roles tethered to ones’ identity become harder to accomplish, or disappear altogether. For a former mathematician, retirement wipes out his moniker. For the tennis player, her knees no longer support the twist and pivot needed to run and lob. No wonder so many seniors ‘live’ in the past. For most, that is where the juice of life lived.
What’s left? For so many, mounting losses become the dark hole where depression resides. Seniors focus on what they cannot do instead of new possibilities. Self confidence takes a dive. A cruel truth when the mind is still sharp, desires still dominate, ideas flow, but navigation and follow through become challenging.
This is the state of mind for many of the seniors whose families reach out to us for help, worried about their safety and mental health. We find that the solution is a gentle wave and complex web of re-directing, setting realistic expectations, teaching new skills, and educating seniors how to stay present in the moment. Our elders were conditioned throughout their lives to be results oriented. To make the transition to present minded thinking, mind and body integration, and mindfulness practices takes empathy and patience. Fiercely independent, learning to ask for help is painful for many American seniors.
“Have you heard of Tai Chi?” I asked one client? She asked me if that was a drink. I introduced her to an instructor we work with who provides in home activities incorporating mindfulness, Tai Chi, simple yoga and stretching exercises to help elders find peace and harmony in the negativity trap their minds easily fall into.
Mind body practices offer a release of anxiety and fear, and a change in orientation from being a victim to the process of aging. We teach them to become the creator of their new daily lives by adjusting and letting go of what was.
About the client who wants to go to France? After some medication changes, and physical therapy, her son is accompanying her to France. They also have plan B. If travel restrictions remain stringent, or her health declines, they plan to visit Paris Las Vegas Hotel and Casino complete with a replica of the Eiffel Tower. After all, age teaches us that flexibility is the backbone of resilience.